Misty's Song
by Halfling Rogue
Summary: A songfic 'bout Heero and Relena. The song's off of the Pokémon soundtrack (yeah I know, I know, but it works!).


A.N.: Open brackets, insert standard disclaimer here, close brackets. I have no idea who sings the song, but it's off the Pokémon 2. B. A Master album (yeah I know, I know. But it really works!).

****

Misty's Song

Out here in the quiet of the night

Beneath the stars and the moon

I walk out to my garden, letting the summer wind tousle my hair in an erratic fashion. The flowers and plants sway gently as I pass them. I breathe in their fragrance and feel more at peace. But not calm enough for my troubled mind. I walk quietly along the cobblestone paths, searching for a specific place.

I sit down gently on the rope-and-board swing, and kick slightly, setting myself into a rocking motion. The wind dies softly, and my clothing and hair dance to the rhythm of my swings. My mind swings back and forth as well, pulled by conflicting memories and present feelings.

Present feelings. I'm not even sure what they are anymore. Do I love you? Or is it just some adolescent crush? How could I possibly love someone as exasperating as you, as cold, as solitary? On the few occasions I dredge up enough courage and self-worth to ask you something personal to either you or myself, you always answer in the shortest way possible; curt, almost to the point of rudeness. Dismissing me, even before I've truly approached you. How can you be so insensitive? It's as if you are made from the very same parts as your beloved Gundam. And yet, every now and then I see you watching me out of the corner of your eye, when you think I don't see you. Do you love me? I am so confused!

And then there's the memories. The memory always returns when I come to this place. How could it not? The warm air, the swing, the large oak, the small rosebed nearby; they all remind me of you. Of the one time you showed any affection for me, away from the prying eyes of any other people. On the day I had told you about how alone I felt, how everyone wanted to know me because I was Relena Peacecraft. Not because I was me.

You had answered in your usual fashion, and left me to stand alone in embarrassment once again. And yet later, when I was home again, sitting on the swing, crying, you came to me. I remember sitting still with my eyes closed, tears slowly making dark trails down my face. I began to move gently, swinging ever so slightly on the swing. I opened my eyes right before you kissed away one of my tears.

You told me not to worry, that there _were_ people who liked me for me, and that I just needed to look a little deeper. Then you pushed me gently one more time, handed me a black rose from the rosebed, and melted into the green shadows. The next day, you were back to your usual self; stubborn, uncaring. And yet, whenever I feel a warm summer's breeze, I feel your kiss.

I look up at the moon, shining in flitting highlights through the leaves of the oak. Lady Moon looks cold tonight, mocking me for my unrequited love. The stars twinkle savagely, laughing along at my plight. It seems the whole universe is against me.

Why must you confuse me so?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We both know we've got something on our minds

We won't admit, but it's true

I look out from the protective cover of the garden foliage. You're sitting on the swing again, staring up at the moon. The light between the branches is flitting over your face, highlighting your beautiful features as if you were an angel. Your posture is calm, but your eyes are sad. What are you thinking about? Are you thinking of me?

Perhaps. I wouldn't blame you. I've been mean to you, even more cold than I am towards anyone else. You probably hate me by now, or at least feel some resentment. I can't help it; it's my way of protecting myself. I have to protect myself, always . . . 

But from what? From you? You are no danger. I could kill you easily with one shot. And yet I do not. Perhaps that is what I have to protect myself from. I have to protect myself from feeling, from . . . I can't even say it. I can't be in love with you. It's impossible. Absurd!! I, the Perfect Soldier, falling for Relena Peacecraft. Duo would get a hoot out of that. It can never be.

It would never work, anyway. I have been trained to be a ruthless machine; it's all I know. I could never be the . . . wait, what am I saying? Of course it wouldn't—couldn't work! I am the Pefect Soldier! I do not care for anyone!! And yet, when I look in your eyes, and see the hurt in those depths, I can't help but feel . . . guilty? Maybe. But I shouldn't. I shouldn't feel anything.

How are you doing this to me?!

I should confront you with it now. Take a battle to the enemy. But you are not the enemy . . . are you? More like an obstacle. An obstacle that I must overcome. Yes, that's it. An obstacle I must overcome here and now. And so I step towards you, leaving behind the protective branches. I almost step back when you gasp and stand up, but I force myself to hold my ground. This must be confronted now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You look at me

I look away

"Heero." The word comes out like an accusation, and I berate myself for sounding so harsh.

"Relena."

I look you over. You are wearing your usual tank top and bike shorts. The moonlight shines over your body, lighting your muscles. I force my eyes away. You are here for a reason, and I can't lose sight of that fact. Odds are, you are a) going to kill me, b) drag me off to God-knows-where to help deal with some kind of mission, c) bring me back to the mansion to deal with some last-minute beaureaucrats, or d)—

"I need to talk to you."

Well, maybe that, although I definately wasn't expecting it. I nod dumbly and sit back down on the swing. You walk up and lean against the oak. A moment of silence breaks, and slowly stretches out the minutes, torturing me until I can't stand it any longer. I look up at you again. Your eyes are closed in thought, and your body is taut, as if you're fighting some inner battle.

You suddenly open your eyes and look at me. Realizing I was staring, I look away, fighting back the blush that threatens to invade my cheeks.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

__

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

But I don't know how to start

I feel a slightly unnerving prickling sensation across my skin, and open my eyes to see you staring at me. My eyes widen more in shock as it hits me: you were staring at_ me. _But why? What is so interesting about me? What is it about me that intrigues you?

Come to think about it, what is it about you that intrigues me?

Ask her that, you idiot. A persistant voice, nagging me in the back of my mind. Sounds like Duo. Probably my conscience. But how can I ask you that? How would you know, when I don't even know myself? But isn't that what I came to ask you?

My mind screams with all my questions. How can your very presence do this to me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid

That you might break my heart

You are still standing there. You look angry now. At what? At who? Me? Yourself? But why would you be angry with yourself?

Because he feels for you and he doesn't want to admit it.

I force the voice down, squelching it. False hope. You would never—could never—love me. No matter how much I love you. There. I've said it; I admit it. I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember. But I can't tell you that. You would just brush it off like everything else, and leave me feeling shattered. Why risk breaking my heart?

Because you've already lost it. And you'll never know unless you try.

But I can't. You'll just break my heart and walk away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh why should anything so easy

Ever be so hard to do?

I look at you again. Your own eyes are downcast, studying the thorns of the roses as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. I'd given you one of those roses once. I had removed the thorns so you wouldn't be hurt. So why are my words to you so barbed with ice?

Why shouldn't they be?

Why can't I tell you what I need to say?

__

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

And to say that I love you

I don't even dare to look up at you. What would I see in those blue, calculating eyes? Anger? Coldness? Defeat? Or acceptance? God knows what you would see in my eyes. Probably yearning. I love you. I cannot stop myself. It's not something I can control.

But you can control it. So my heart lies in your hands, and in your decision to give in to something you've never experienced before, or to turn your back and walk away. I wish you would make the decision soon. This waiting is killing me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I practice all the things that I could say

Line by line, every word

My vocabulary runs circles around my mind. How can I put into words what I need to ask you? Do I need to ask for your forgiveness? For your understanding? For your dismissal? Or . . . for your love?

No. No, I could never ask that of you. You could never love someone as cold as me. Or could you? Could I love you? Does my heart even remember what love is anymore?

I look at you out of the corner of my eye. You have started swinging again, your golden hair almost silver in the moonlight. You still haven't looked my way. Your eyes raise to the stars above. Searching for an answer? If so, the sky has none. The light is harsh and cruel tonight. Like me. So why do you look so beautiful?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I tell myself today could be the day

But every time I lose my nerve

I open my mouth. I have to tell you now. Sooner or later. Later will hurt more. I know the rebuke, the refusal I am going to get, and I am prepared for it. You look my way, waiting.

I close my mouth.

Why am I delaying?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I look at you

You look away

I see you open your mouth to speak, and I turn expectantly. The second you realize I am watching you, your mouth snaps shut and you move your eyes away.

What are you trying to say? Why won't you say it?

And why won't you look at me?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

But I don't know how to start

I can't. I can't admit that I have lost all hope. Not while hope is still within my reach. You haven't spoken yet, but you haven't walked away, either.

He's probably waiting for you to speak first. He wants you to tell him how you feel.

But how can I possibly tell you that, when I don't know myself?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid

That you might break my heart

You're hesistating. Why? What you have to say to me couldn't possibly be as difficult as what I have to say to you. It doesn't matter whether I refuse or accept you; either way, I am admitting that I have feelings for you. I will have to choose one. But which will hurt more?

Refusal? Or acceptance?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh why should anything so easy

Ever be so hard to do?

How can the speaking of three words be so unbelievably difficult? It's torturous! I want nothing more than to tell you how I feel for you, and to lift this incredibly heavy load off my heart.

And yet I remain silent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

And to say that I love you

I look at you again. Your body is taut and you are hunched over slightly, as if you are in pain and afraid to let me see. Why shouldn't you be? Every time you showed me pain before, I just shunned you. Poured salt on the wounds. You probably hate me.

She probably hates herself.

I turn away from you and look out at the moonlit garden. The breeze starts up again and cools something warm and wet trailing down my cheek. A tear? Impossible. Why would I be crying?

Because . . . because I love you, Relena. And I am sorry for causing you pain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

__

Why . . . why do you turn away?

It must be you're afraid like me

You turn your back to me, and face the garden. Why haven't you spoken? You know what you have to say...don't you?

Why would he hesistate if he knew?

So you don't know. Heero Yuy, at a loss for words. I never thought I'd see the day. But why would words evade you? 

Unless . . . 

Do you love me? I need to know!

I look at you again. You start to walk away, and my heart cries out in pain at the dismissal. How can you just leave?!

I turn away as a tear escapes down my face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I try, but I can't pretend that I

Don't feel for you, the way I do

I have to choose, and now.

Refusal or acceptance, Heero. Refusal or acceptance.

Shut up!!

No. You got yourself into this mess. Now get yourself out. Don't wait in the middle.

I walk over to the rosebed. I hear the rustle of your clothing as you turn away from me. Do you think I am leaving? Do you honestly think I could leave you without saying anything? Am I really that cold?

I bend down down next to the flowers. So perfect and beautiful. Like you.

I hear you sob softly behind me, and my reaches out towards the bush.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Can't you see?

A young, blond-haired girl sits dejectedly on a wooden swing and strangles the sobs that try to wrench their way from her throat. A shadow moves in the darkness, and the girl gasps as a pure white rose appears in front of her and gently brushes away her tears. The figure detaches itself from the shadows and stands in front of her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

But I don't know how to start

"Heero."

"Relena."

She laughs humorlessly. "Repeating ourselves now, are we?" He smiles, the gesture as humorless as her laugh.

She takes a deep breath. "Heero, I need to—"

"Relena, I have to—"

"—tell you something." They stare at each other, each surprised by the words coming out of the other's mouth, although they are the same. She looks away and he steps closer to her.

"Relena, I—there's—" He sighs exasperatedly and runs his hand through his hair. "Damn."

"My sentiments exactly," she mutters, dropping her eyes to the ground.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid

That you might break my heart

She looks back up at him. "Why have you come, Heero? What is it you want to say to me?"

He opens his mouth to reply, but she cuts him off briskly. "Have you come to dismiss me again? Or are you hoping to kiss it and make it better like the last time, and then be cold and cruel again the next day?!"

Her words spill with increasing anger, and he stares at her in shock as she spins away from him.

"Just leave me alone." It comes out sounding like a pleading whimper.

"Please."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Oh why should anything so easy

Ever be so hard to do?

"Relena." He gently grabs her shoulder and turns her back around. Her eyes still flare, but the anger has given way to pain and raw sorrow. He winces internally.

"What?" It sounds like the accusation it is.

"I . . . I never meant to hurt you, Relena. I'm sorry." She stares at him, and he takes advantage of her confusion to pry open her fingers and curl them around the stem of the rose.

"Heero?" It comes out as a tentative plea, a weak question of hope.

"I once gave you a rose wen you were hurt. It was black, for sorrow. I only wanted to help you, then and now. I didn't want you to hurt like I do."

"Black for sorrow . . . " she murmurs, and looks numbly at the rose clutched in her fist. "And white?"

He swallows. "White is for . . . . pure and innocent love."

"Love?" She is unconsciously echoing him, still uncomprehending.

He nods briefly. "I . . . I l— I lo—"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

And to say that I love you

"You love me," she whispers, barely daring to believe it. He gently grabs her arms and pulls her closer.

"Yes. I love you, Relena." It comes out hoarsely, and she knows it hurts him to have to say it. Maybe she can ease the pain a bit.

"I love you too, Heero. I've always loved you." Her arms go around him, and she feels him relax into her. Her heart soars as his arms go around her as well.

He's never felt so secure. Or so happy. It's like heaven. Well, not quite yet . . . 

They are both surprised when he gently grabs her chin and tilts her face up to meet his. Their lips meet, and they give in to the hunger in their hearts and the fireworks going off behind their eyelids. But it's more than a joining of love, or a joining of bodies.

It's a joining of souls.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

But I don't know how to start

I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid

That you might break my heart

Oh why should anything so easy

Ever be so hard to do? 

I wanna tell you what I'm feeling

And to say that I love you

"Ai shiteru, Relena."

"I love you too, Heero. I love you, too."

~Owari~

~The End~


End file.
